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I think my depression is coming back. I really wish I had someone to talk to in times like this.

I'm scared.

I better use this journal every now and then or it'll get deleted like a few of my old rp journals were. I wish I could have saved what was on there first, but I didn't know beforehand in time.

It's a shame.

Well. I guess I can at least write down my recent anxieties and such. Just to have an entry here.

I'm scared. I can't find a good job that's at a reasonable distance from my home. And it's been years since I've graduated. I feel worthless just living with my parents doing nothing at my age. I wanted to have my own apartment by this point in time. I feel so pathetic.

On top of that, I don't even want to go into the field of animation anymore. I have to be real with myself; I just don't have the talent or drive to be in this industry. And we also live in an age where any stupid or ignorant thing you ever said or did online can be dug up and used against you. Fanart. Fanfics. RPs. Forum posts. Anything.

I've seen so many artists torn to shreds by people on Tumblr for things like that, and it's terrifying. That could easily be me.

But what can I possibly tell my parents? After all the work and money they spent to get me through school, they would be furious if they found out I want to do something else now.

I'm scared.

Haven't used this journal in a while.

I think Tumblr RPing (and even the livejournal RPing I did on here a few years back) has been an emotionally unhealthy hobby for me. It's brought me lots of fun memories, but at the same time there are a lot of days when I really wish I had never gotten into it. And that's because it's such a hollow feeling when a friend you've RPed with for a while loses interest.

You're not mad at them at all. Interest fades. It happens, and it's completely understandable.

But all the time and energy you put into it still means something to you, so you just can't help feeling sad. Plus the friends that lose interest and I always end up drifting apart afterwards, because we realize that outside of RPing, we have nothing else in common.

I always go through a bit of the grief process whenever it happens, and I really don't think I can handle this anymore. I look at people who are able to maintain long lasting friendships and wonder just how the heck they manage to do it.